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For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?  For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.  Matthew 16:25-17

Dear Daughter… you are one who lets go of your own life, seeking Jesus instead, and you will find your life in Him.  You see through the vanity of the world, and instead give up all for Christ.  He will therefore reward you according to His works, and not your own, and you are found in Him, and with Him.  He is your exceedingly great reward.  Your works will be His works living through you, and you will enter into the joy of the Lord, and He will bless you forever.

Originally written June 7, 2018

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Today I heard God say to me that satan cannot take my precious memories away from me.  I was so set free when I heard that!  We are preparing for a trip that for the last 15 years we have done with our daughter!  She has decided not to live with us anymore and it is a sad situation, mostly for her.  God is cleansing me and nurturing me and causing me to see Him though it all!  I choose to see Him and focus on Him.  I choose to focus on His Word.  I choose to see deeply , not just at the surface.  There is always hope for a person as long as they are alive.  Therefore I do not lose hope for her, but truly my hope is in the Lord!

We put our hope in the Lord.  He is our help and our shield.  In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His Holy name.  Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone. Psalm 33:20-22

We have worship gatherings on Sunday evenings….and two of my family confirmed what I heard the Lord say to me today.  But God revealed Himself to them with this same Word.  I love when God does that!  Praise You Jesus.

You can’t take that away from me.  That memory is a blessing from the Lord.  He allowed those experiences to happen to me and chose to bless me with the memory of them as well.  Only God is good.  It’s only by Him that anything good comes to pass.  That is not left for chance or vibes or anything the world will lie to you about.  Strictly speaking nothing good happens except that God allows it.  Yes He does shine the sun on the just and on the unjust, but “He” still causes it to shine.  Therefore it comes from Him.  Including that memory of a blessed time in my life with my daughter.  Cry as I might, when I remember that event or her laughter, I choose to be thankful for that time I had with her and praise God for it!  Because all good things come from God. Including my ability to have raised her in the Lord.  (one day, if God allows me to I will write about that blessed event). – This is not to lessen my wonderful God-gift of a son as well!  He is with us at 13 and we rejoice that we have him at this time to cherish as a good gift from God and raise him up in the admonition of the Lord.  And we are making memories!!!!!!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

I say to the Lord, You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing Psalm 16:2

Lord, You alone are my portion and my cup; You make my lot secure.  Psalm 16:5

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” Jesus speaking in John 14:27

Here is hopeful words again.

The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day  Proverbs 4:18

The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care, and their inheritance will endure forever.  In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. Psalm 37:18-19

Thank you Jesus for giving me a blameless description of who you made me.  You died on the cross for my sins and I have accepted you as my savior.  You said…

And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38

If you confess that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised him from death, you will be saved.  For it is by our faith that we are put right with God; it is by our confession that we are saved.  Romans 10: 9&10

Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.  John 5:24

You alone are the most high God and I thank you for the Holy Spirit of remembrance who brings all things to my remembrance that You said to me.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

 

Such a difficult time.  The world says time heals all wounds.  But God says: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life – Proverbs 13:12

What does that mean really?   The world says to leave things alone, let time heal, as tho “it”  will and do nothing, because sooner or later you will forget about all of this pain and go onto the next thing.  Well what does God say?  What do you say, Lord? Please reveal yourself to me about this issue.

Lets begin with the dictionary…and the meaning of the words Jesus uses in His Word:

Hope – to feel that something desired may happen, to place trust; rely, to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence

Deferred – postponed or delayed, suspended or withheld for or until a certain time or event

Longing (different version)  – to have an earnest, strong,  persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant.

Fulfill – to carry out, or bring to realization as a prophecy or promise. To perform or do, a duty; obey or follow as commands.  To satisfy requirements, obligations. To bring to an end; finish or complete, as a period of time.

What about what it says about these words in the concordance…

Hope from expectation 03176 – to wait by implication, to be patient, hope:–(cause to, have make to) hope, be pained, stay, tarry, trust, await

Deferred from 04900 a primitive root; to draw, used in a great variety of applications (including to sow, to sound, to prolong, to develop, to march, to remove, to delay, to be tall etc.) draw (along, out) continue, defer, extend, forbear, give, handle make  (pro -sound) long, sow, scatter, stretch out.

Heart from 03823 – inner man, mind, will, heart, soul, understanding, thinking, reflection, memory, inclination, resolution, determination of will, conscience, as seat of appetites, as seat of emotions and passions, as seat of courage.

Sick from 02490 properly, to bore, to wound, to dissolve, to profane, to break ones word, to begin as if by an opening wedge

Sick from 02342 properly, to twist or whirl to dance, to writhe in pain or fear; figuratively, to wait, to pervert:–bear, bring forth, drive away, fall grievously with pain, fear, form, grieve, pained, shake sorrowful, stay, tarry, travail with pain, tremble, trust…

Sick from 02470 properly, to be rubbed or worn; hence to be weak, sick, afflicted; or to grieve, make sick, also to stroke in flattering, entreat:–beseech be diseased, grief, make prayer, be wounded

Desire from 0183 a longing; by implication, a delight, satisfaction, wish longings of one’s heart, lust appetite, thing desire, object of desire

Cometh from 0935 to go or come abide, apply, attain, be, befall, bring forth, call, carry…

Tree from 06095 a tree from it’s firmness; hence, wood, carpenter, gallows, helve, plant, staff, stalk, stick, stock, timber, tree, wood.  from 06095 properly, to fasten or make firm, ie to close the eyes:–shut

Life from 02421 alive; hence, raw flesh; fresh, living thing, whether literally or figuratively, congregation, maintenance, old, quick, raw, running, springing, troop, to live, have life, remain alive, sustain life, live prosperously, live forever, be quickened, be alive, be restored to life or health.

 

So…after that little study… If you put off, delay, draw out, extend, wait  (defer) your patience to await an expectation (hope)  you will make the inner man, the memory, the reflection, the seat of courage and conscience (heart) weaken and worn, afflicted and grieved (sick) BUT!!!! when the satisfaction and delight and longings of one’s heart (desire) is brought forth, come upon, attained brought near, brought to pass (cometh) it IS a firm, stock, plank, staff (tree) of sustenance, living, strong, living thing (life).

Well, my thoughts on this are that We must turn His desires into our desires!  So that we must not draw out “our fleshly” expectations for something that may very well NOT be what is best for us because if we do then we will most assuredly become gravely sickened in our inner man!

So quickly pray to see through God’s eyes Psalm 119:18 Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.  Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!  Proverb  20:12 The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the LORD has made them both.  Jeremiah 5:21 “Hear this, O foolish and senseless people, who have eyes, but see not, who have ears, but hear not.

Pray that His desires are our desires and speak these scriptures! Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Psalm 37..Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.   Psalm 20:4 May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans! Psalm 21:2 You have given him his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips. Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.  1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.  Matthew 7:8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and the one who knocks it will be opened.  Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Psalm 145:19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; he also hears their cry and saves them.  Wow!!!! So many…

I do pray that you turn my heart and eyes from looking at worthless things Lord and cause me to choose Your desires for my flesh and for my bones.  I believe that You hear me and because I believe that You hear me I KNOW that I will have what I am asking, especially because I know it is your perfect will that I have a heart that beats hard after You!

 

Back to my original purpose tonight… I love these testimonies that my dear husband wrote to our daughter after she left.  Sometimes I like to write them in first person, but in this instance, I will write it just the way that he did, to her…

Your spirit sees the emptiness of the things of this world, seeks God instead, and His riches of love, peace and joy.  When you see that emptiness, and the friends that are not faithful, and are not truthful, you seek God on your face, knowing He alone is true and never fails.  Our house is always open to you, and you know our house is a house of prayer and forgiveness and truth, and you know that I love you.

Originally written on June 6, 2018

Early in the morning, I rise up to greet You.  You are my beloved.  My heart sings songs of praise that rise up to You Father as a sweet sound to Your ears.  How good You are to me!  How much You love me!  I am precious in Your sight – the pearl of great price.  You sold everything for me!  I am Yours and I cling to You in all things.  My rest is in Your love and I trust in You!

Original writing June 5, 2018

 

Matthew 13:45,46 Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

My husband and I went to a church in our nearby town.  We don’t go to church, but our parents in law have been visiting this church and invited us this one Saturday.  My sister happened to record this prophecy on her phone and sent it to me.  We have not known this pastor nor does he know very much at all about us.  This was about  _______ days after our daughter left.  I’ll fill in the blank at a later time.  Here goes…

God is gonna do something in y’alls life.  You didn’t come just to come.  You came because down deep inside you needed a word from the Lord.  There’s some doors that have to open.  The Lord said to tell you.  The Lord said where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst.  If you two will agree, in the middle of the night, early in the morning, late at night, if you will agree on your time off.  If you’ll agree when you’re tired, when you feel good, then God’s going to bring it to pass.  The Lord said, There’s nothing too hard for me, Jeremiah said, I know there’s nothing too hard Father.  So God said to tell ya, He’s gonna do a work in your life.  God said to tell ya, in this season He’s gonna open that door that seems like it has not been able to open.  God said to tell ya, that even now He’s causing the enemies that are in your camp to be destroyed, one by one and not too many days from now, you’ll smell with your nostrils the smell of the worst of the devil and you’ll know you stood on Holy ground this day.   Pastor Mendez

So… we were touched by this prophecy and chose to follow this instruction.  Let me tell you…I was in a very sad place in my life.  With my daughter having left and it felt hopeless.  It felt as if my heart was torn out of my chest.  I have a very deep relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ, but this rocked my world.  I leaned on Christ.  I leaned on my husband.  I had difficulty speaking to my son, because I seemed to cry at the drop of a hat. My spiritual sisters heard all my woes, and gave their love and encouragement to me as they felt the Lord speaking through them.  I have never been so incredibly sad in my entire life.  I have been through quite a bit in my life, but this topped it.

My husband sent me out to mow the property, a few days after she left…Sounds odd huh? but it was the best.  I had been pacing.  When I got out there on the mower, I was alone!!!! with God!!!! out in the middle of a field. with a very loud mower humming in my ears.  I just began crying, the kind of crying that comes out like groans.  I have never cried like that.  I just could sense that Jesus was right there with me.  No one else around, but through it all He held me and I was comforted.  So back to the prophecy… this was such an answer to prayer.  We were on a mission.  It was such a blessing.  Pray together, at all times, here and there – at night, in the morning, in the middle of the day or the middle of the night…. Wow.  We became closer than ever, we have been married 25 years and have never experienced this kind of prayer life.  What satan was trying to use to divide us was actually bringing us closer together.  Romans 8:28 at work right in our midst.  “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose”

Just a Matter of Time….this gentle man on a FB feed is the reason I felt to write out our prophecy that was given to us that Saturday morning.  It is a continuation of what we were given a couple of months ago.  He said as he was praying that morning he felt to speak this to those out there that may be listening.  Well, I happened to be listening.

Let me share a little of what he said.. It’s just a matter of time that God opens up doors that no man can shut.  It’s just a matter of time before you are restored.  It’s just a matter of time before you are healed.  It’s just a matter of time before you receive your answer. It’s just a matter of time before you receive the victory.  It’s just a matter of time before you won’t be crying anymore, you won’t be worried anymore, you won’t be stressed anymore.  It’s just a matter of time before God heals your broken heart.  You’ve been waiting, you’ve been worrying, you’ve been feeling abandoned, you’ve been feeling forgotten, you’ve been feeling rejected, you’ve been feeling betrayed.  But the Lord told me this morning and I feel the Holy Spirit, that it’s just a matter of time before He shows you exactly who He is.  It’s just a matter of time before He shows you that He is a good God. Its just a matter of time before he shows you that He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.  Before you had a problem He had an answer.  Before you faced that giant He had already made a way.  He already had a solution.  He already had a plan for you.  The same way before He created Adam He had already created a place for Adam.  The Lord told me to tell you this morning as I was in prayer that it is just a matter of time before you walk into your victory before you receive that answer that you have been praying about.  It’s just a matter of time before He saves your loved ones.  It’s just a matter of time before He begins to restore what is broken.  But as you are waiting,  He says, how are you waiting?  Are you waiting in faith?  Are you waiting in fear?  Are you consumed in worry?  Are you consumed with trying to figure out a plan trying to fix it your own?  He says, If you just wait on Me, I’ll renew your strength, He said, If you would just trust in Me, I’ll open doors that no man can shut.  I’ll open up the floodgates and rain down on you, but do you believe it my brother and sister?  I just want to encourage you this morning to keep fighting….   everything can change with one praise, everything can change with one worship, everything can change with one shout, everything can change with one word from the Lord.  All you need is one word from the Lord to change the rest of your life.  All you need is one word from the Lord to put you on a different course.  You know one word from the Lord is more powerful than a lifetime of lies from the enemy.  Do you hear what I’m saying?  One word, just one word from the Lord that you grab onto, that you hold onto, that you believe in, IN THE STORM, is more powerful than a lifetime of lies from the devil.               This was half of what he spoke!  by Marcus Rogers was his name.   Thank you Marcus Rogers.

 

Why is it so difficult?  The love of a mother, even if she did not carry her for 9 months and birth her, run very deep.  God made us that way.  Yet, when a travesty occurs like a young daughter running away after you’ve homeschooled her and known just about every move she has made for the last 17 years…My! you just don’t see this kind of thing coming.  If she left with our blessing then, I do believe that the feelings of sadness would be less painful because the separation would be mutual.  The agreement would be there.  But the pain of knowing there was no blessing given.  The utter disbelief that this has happened to me!  I think that is the key!  I am looking at how she hurt me!  Not how she is hurting.  Not how she needs a loving Father! But…

It’s as if… there was a break up of a husband that I loved and he just left me for another woman.  Left because he didn’t love me anymore, or he just wanted to do his own thing and really didn’t care if it hurt me or not.  He really didn’t care what scars he left behind.

It’s as if… a death in my close family occurred, but then almost worse maybe-like a suicide.  Yes, because suicide is the highest form of selfishness.  That person doesn’t care about the collateral damage that he or she leaves in taking their own life.

It’s as if… my very best friend decides that she no longer wants anything at all to do with me, and finds a new friend but never tells me she just leaves and never calls again.

It’s as if… my mother or father disown me, tell people that they don’t want anything to do with me and never call to see how I’m doing and never let me know how they’re doing.

All these as if’s are born out of insecurity!  They are satan’s way of tormenting me.  My life means more to my God, my husband and best friend, brother and father-Jesus Christ.  He loves me and He desires my closeness.  He is a jealous God and wants my attention.

What satan had me believing, reminiscing, crying and deliberating over is the fact that my daughter left without a word of knowledge to me, and that I can actually do something about her life and get her to change!

This my friends is a bold faced lie!  I cannot change my daughter.  I cannot make her come back.  I cannot talk her into changing her mind.  I cannot convince her that she is making a grave mistake.  ONLY GOD can turn a person’s heart.  He is the one and only supernatural being that has the ability to move mountains and turn the heart of a king!

I refuse to linger in the thoughts of the what if, where is she, if she only, if I had, if I do, if I could just talk to her…and so on ANYMORE!!!!!

My God is bigger than all of these lies and He wants me to be free!!!!  Of course, I know that I am not the only one that He desires this for.  He feels the same about my daughter and about you.

So we are responsible for our own actions whether or not we choose to take that responsibility.  If I continue to cry over what someone else’s decision is in life when I have NO power over the outcome than I am being anxious for NOTHING!  and that is against my precious Father.

What am I going to dwell on?  Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

What am I going to talk about? Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.  Proverbs 16:24

What am I going to pray about?  So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  Isaiah 55:11

Am I going to run myself down? It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person. Matthew 15:11

Am I going to forget God’s Word? This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Joshua 1:8

Who am I going to listen to? All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16

Am I going to just give up?  Fight the good fight of faith.  Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6:12

Am I going to push away those around me?  But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

I have a husband who loves me dearly.  I have a son who is so willing to please me and loves to learn and enjoys being around us!.   I have an older daughter who is coming back to the Lord and is taking on new responsibilities in life.  I have a grandson who loves for me to pick him up from school and spend time with him and my son,  I have a mother who prays for me, enjoys my company and makes me laugh and I have a large spiritual family who loves and supports me.  Most importantly I have a God who died for me that I might live freely and abundantly.

Why am I spinning my wheels on a daughter sho has decided to leave the safety and supportive home and cares not for us?  No more!

I love her but I give her over to God.  He is waiting for me to let go and give him the reins.

I do, Lord – She is yours.

You hear God’s voice and you love how He loves you.  You know, when He looks at you that He sees past everything and sees your loving spirit, in whom God delights.  The Father sings songs of joy over you because when He looks at you, He sees the love of His Son in you, the One who loves you so much.  Humbleness is the clothing you wear.  You do not judge others, but have compassion, and are quick to fall at the feet of  Jesus.  He smiles at the beauty of your tears, and then your joy.

Original written on June 4, 2018

and my husband hand fed her… Thy Words were found and I ate them!  Thy Words became for me a joy, and the delight of my heart, for I have been called by thy name……

My heart is steadfast in following the Lord and my heart is greater than I am.  It is the place where the Lord God Almighty set His throne and rules inside of me.  I also know that with the family that God gave me and those on this earth who are my brothers and sisters in Christ and with You,  I have a place of Mercy and forgiveness at all times because God had made it so and I have no fear in coming to the truth.  I do not despise the day of small beginnings, but instead, I thank God for those things and I am filled with Hope and Hope does not disappoint.

original written June 3, 2018

 

I am quick to take responsibility and turn to the right way.  My heart is fixed in giving God glory and singing to Him.  I run to His feet to make things right because my relationship with Him is worth more than life to me.  He is more to me than anything, and nothing in the world or this life matters except Him.  I am His minister of love, and He flows through me to others and back to Him.

Original written June 2, 2018

I do not follow the voice of the false shepherd, but I hear only the voice of the True Shepherd.  All others are interested in themselves, but the Good Shepherd lays down His life for His sheep.  I am one of those sheep!  That voice alone is who I hear and follow.  He loves me and I love Him.  It is Jesus that I have chosen, and He has chosen me as His love!  Wow!!!!!  His strong-arm protects me and is whom I lean on.

I am satisfied with His Word day and night, like a tree planted by the water that sends out its’ roots by the stream.  I do not fear when heat comes; my leaves are always green.  I have no worries in a year of drought and I never fail to bear fruit.  Because His Word is true, so this is true.  He wrote His Word for me to receive and claim and there are three witnesses; the Spirit, the water and the blood and the three are in agreement.  I accept God’s testimony, it is greater than man’s because it is the testimony of God, which he has given about his Son.  I believe in the Son of God and I accept this testimony.

original written on June 1, 2018

I hear the Words Jesus says and I do them.  I am like a wise man who built his house on a rock, and the rain fell, floods came, the winds blew and beat on the rock, and it did not fail, for it was founded on the Rock (God).  Matthew 1:24-25.

I stand against the flesh and the lusts thereof and stand in the Word instead.  My desire to serve Him is more powerful than any other desire, and He protects Me and has purchased me for Himself.

originally written on May 31, 2018